I think it’s probably time for us to have a little chat about the places where we fall into judgment. We can all fall into a judgment mindset against our partners, our parents, our co-workers or employers. It can crop up pretty much in any relationship, right?
The hard, cold truth.
Judgment always harms the relationship. When we fall into judging somebody else, we’re really implying that they should handle things the way that we would. This is really fascinating to begin with because most relationships, marriages, and most successful companies all consist of people who have different and complementary skill sets. We never partner with someone who handles things the exact same way that we do and our best business partnerships are not usually with people who have the exact same talents that we do. There are always differences. However, we can still fall into the place of judging them.
Why should we expect somebody else to do it our way to begin with? There’s a little bit of superiority that’s wired into the judgments that we have against somebody else. Our way is better than their way. Judgments are always fueled by one of two things.
Lack of understanding
First and foremost, basic lack of understanding about why that individual is handling things the way they are. If we can approach them from a place of open curiosity instead of judgment, that will radically shift the dynamic. Open curiosity just looks like, “I don’t understand,” “Help me get it,” “Tell me more about why you want to proceed this way.” Open curiosity lacks judgment and it makes a much more open dynamic between us and the other person.
Lack of emotional IQ
The second thing that can cause judgment is our own lack of emotional IQ. The more that we struggle to understand human nature, the more that we can fall into our own rigid patterns of thinking, our own black and white ways of thinking, and all of that can be a recipe for judging others.
However, at the end of the day, judgment always spoils the field. You can always feel it whether it’s spoken or not. If you walk into a room where somebody else is judging you, you can sense it in the energy regardless of whether or not anybody puts words to it. So, because of that, judgment always creates difference and distance between us and other people.
Food for thought – How much pain might your judgments be causing?
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