Today I want to talk about what can you do when you’re not actually satisfied with your sex life.
The first thing that’s going to be really important to do if you find yourself in this situation in your relationship is to proceed carefully and with respect. When you bring this to your partner’s attention, it’s best if you not do it during a moment of intimacy, but if you find a good moment outside of the bedroom to bring it up instead.
Most couples who have been together for a long time really benefit from an increased amount of emotional connection between them that then enhances their sex life. Most couples also benefit from consciously adding some variety to their sex life after a while. We find that most couples fall into a “norm.” They have a standard routine where they do this position, in this room, at this time of day, and then it’s done. The “norm” becomes a bit boring after a while.
If you’re uncomfortable talking to your partner about your sex life and your sexual needs, I’m going to invite you to get over that. If we think of a relationship as a vehicle with you and your partner in the front seat, there are going to be times when your sex life takes a detour into snooze-ville. You are absolutely going to have to have the verbal capacity to say, “Hey babe, why don’t we correct the wheel and come back into something more vivacious, fun, and interesting.” Learning how to get more comfortable talking about your sex life is also going to be key.
Finally, find a good guide. Find something that can help the two of you move forward. Here at Flourish we always love pulling out our Hot Monogamy curriculum, which gives us lots of concrete tools and feedback to give couples to help them enhance their passion, their sensuality, and their variety in their sex life. Whatever it is, find somebody who knows more than you do to help you two gain some new insights to move forward.