When it comes to marriage counseling there are certain small signals that can give a therapist clues as to whether or not the relationship is healthy. We can even provide you with a relationship health assessment to take.

A helpful assessment for a healthy relationship

Healthy relationships have a certain vibe about them, that a marriage counselor can easily pick up on. In a similar vein, marriages that are struggling or are headed for rough waters, also have partners who express certain behaviors. There are thousands of assessments online that people can take to supposedly determine whether or not their relationship is healthy. However, not all of them are effective or beneficial.

We find that there are certain questions one needs to ask, notwithstanding the vast array of internet assessments which can be flawed, that can in fact point toward a healthy relationship. How a person answers the questions, as long as they are being honest, may be critical to determine whether or not the marriage is healthy. As such, certain assessments can provide a good basis for counseling.


One of the critical elements to any successful marriage is appreciation. As such, when it comes to a relationship health assessment, marriage counseling often focuses on determining whether or not the partners appreciate each other. For example, a person who is taking this assessment may want to know how often their partner is appreciative by saying things like thank you, I love you or giving them a compliment. The purpose of this is not to keep score. Rather, the purpose is to get an understanding of how a partner is responding when the other does something worthy of praise or appreciation.

Similarly, when one asks the question "how often does your partner let you know he or she appreciates you?" It can also lead to a follow-up question. The follow-up question is how often do you appreciate your partner, by saying things like thank you, I love you or giving them a compliment?  Sometimes, it is easy to forget to be complimentary or appreciative of one's partner and this is one of the many reasons why people may end up in counseling.

It is okay to use humor in a situation like this and often when somebody has forgotten to say thank you or I love you, it may be appropriate to make self-disparaging humor and try and get back to doing these small but appreciative things.

Disputes and resolution

A critical piece of marriage counseling is determining how the couple deals with problems, especially when there is a dispute that needs resolution. A possible question here is: "when there is a major dispute between the two of you, how is it most likely to be resolved?" This question creates the context in which a person responds to conflict and demonstrates the structure of the relationship to the marriage counselor. It also may help to point to some frustrations or lack of appreciation that one of the partners is feeling.

Learn more about your relationship

If you are unsure if you need marriage counseling, call us for a relationship health assessment and find out how well your relationship is doing.