You don’t use your TV remote control to try to open your garage door, right? You also don’t take your garage door opener and try to use it to change the channel on your television. They both emit invisible frequencies, but different frequencies accomplish different things.

How does this relate to your love life?

Similarly, very often I see couples reporting that they’re trying to initiate sex with their partner, but they’re using the wrong frequency. They’re coming to their partner in the divorce-counseling52017energy of doing instead of using the frequency of being.

Doing vs. Being

Most of us spend all day, every day in the frequency of doing. Getting things done, managing things, and controlling things. The majority of our brains spend all day in what are called alpha brain waves. However, what we really need to do with our partner is to slow down and pull out of those alpha brain waves into a brain wave that is much more chill and relaxed.

That involves first being present with our partner. This is where we get to be more mindful, connect with them in a deeper way, be playful with them and joke around. That is an emotional connection between two people.

Sex is the natural byproduct of intimacy

If we can shift out of doing and into being, then intimacy can be a natural byproduct from there. As one of my male clients loves to say, he experiences sex with his partner as being the natural byproduct of their intimacy. When they’re deeply emotionally in sync with each other, having a physical connection is just a natural byproduct. However, one has to come before the other.

Food for thought – Have you been using the energy of doing when instead, you need to lean more into the energy of being?

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