This week I want to talk about why we tend to avoid the most important conversations that we need to be having in our relationships. It’s a pretty common thing. None of us have to love difficult conversations, but we do need to learn how to enter into them.
The biggest reason
The biggest reason why we avoid those discussions is simple. It’s out of fear. We’re afraid of what the other person will say, afraid of how they might react, afraid of how it might change things in the relationships. That fear not only creates a stress response in our bodies that includes adrenals pumping and feeling some anxiety and stress around it. It also tends to cause to avoid things.
What happens when we avoid?
When we avoid the really important conversations that we need to be having, that relationship over time rots from the inside out. There is absolutely no structural integrity in any relationship unless there are important and meaningful relationships taking place before those two people. Whether we’re talking about you and your intimate partner, or even you and your direct supervisor at work. There has to be ongoing dialogue for there to be structural integrity stability in that relationship.
The opposite of fear
The opposite of fear is to trust. Having faith that they’ll handle things in a reasonable way. Giving the other person the reasonable doubt or even placing your trust in the relationship you’ve built with them over time. Trust is the light side of fear. Trusting somebody else is a way of being proactive. Utilizing and leaning into trust supports us in tending to our relationships, like a house plant. House plants tend to grow and thrive any time you give it some attention, some water, and sunlight.
Food for thought – What do you fall into most often in your relationships? Is it fear based or is it coming from a place of trust?
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