Today I want to talk a little bit about desires, and more specifically in relationships, our sexual desires.

Understanding our internal process

Some of the most important work that we can do as adults is the work of understanding our internal process. That internal process is made up of many different parts and components. What I see most often is that many of us live only in parts of those parts. The parts that we’re most comfortable with or that we feel adequate in. Maybe those other parts are ignored, stuffed away, or disowned even. We may not even acknowledge that they’re there.

What are desires?

When it comes to our desires in general, which is one of the components of our internal process, we find that when we’re not tapped into those, we aren’t feeling completely ourselves or whole. When I say desires, I’m talking about things that bring us life, that are life-giving, that fuel our passions, and fill our cup. When we talk specifically about sexual desires in relationships, they are the things that give our relationship passion and the feeling of having a full cup when it comes to the relationship. They are important to tap into.

What prevents us from tapping into our sexual desires?

One of the things I realize when I work with couples is that another part of our internal process can prevent us from going there. That is our belief system. Sometimes in the work of understanding our sexual desires, we realize that we have some beliefs that aren’t serving us well. Some beliefs that we need to go back and deconstruct.

For example, the belief that we shouldn’t connect with our sexuality, or the belief that it’s dirty, or that it’s something that we shouldn’t talk about, or it’s embarrassing or even shameful. Especially if we’ve had some negative experiences before around sex or sexuality or what has been taught to us, sometimes we have to go back and deconstruct those beliefs and create new beliefs that will allow us to grow. Sometimes, those beliefs can be self-limiting and prevent growth.

Are you fully tapped in?

When we talk about our desires being something that gives us life, brings us energy, and fills our cup, that’s especially important when tapping into our sexual desires with our partner. When we talk about a monogamous, committed, secure, and safe relationship, that is the time to explore that very thing. I want you to think – if you are in a committed relationship, are you fully tapped into your sexual desires with your partner? If not, think about what beliefs you might be operating from that are limiting that growth.

To learn more about our Hot Monogamy program that we use with couples to help them take their intimacy and connection to the next level, CLICK HERE.