Every relationship could use couples counseling at some point. While many relationships have a wonderful beginning, there comes a time when you simply have to deal with some of the more contentious issues between the two of you. If you are one of those rare couples who do not have serious issues, usually only having arguments that spring from small things, you are one of the lucky ones, but you should still read this information for ways to get even better. Couples counseling is not a sign that things have gone bad but rather, it is an expression by a couple that they want and need to communicate better, often showing a desire to improve their relationship even more. This is actually quite an act of love, which is why counseling is never a bad thing to consider for any couple. There are specific things we teach our couples, including how to deal with negative emotions in a positive way.
Couples Counseling: Dealing with Emotion
All relationships, especially ones where there are children involved, tend to get hectic, frazzled, and frustrating at times. Even smaller things that may not bother you under normal circumstances can cause you to get angry or upset. This is where couples counseling comes in handy. The first thing we encourage you to do is to take stock of what things are important to you. For many people, we never stop to think about what we would do if we found out, for example, that we have a limited time to live or if our partner did. When things get overly chaotic, it is important to put perspective in place.
Putting things in perspective also means reevaluating and expressing what is making you frustrated, hectic, or frazzled. Often, the first reaction is to get upset or angry at a partner, who may or may not have anything to do with the current situation. Taking the time to evaluate where the negative emotions are coming from and being willing to talk about them will go a very long way to reducing the tension between the two of you, allowing you to deal with the problem as a partnership, rather than as adversaries facing the same issues.
Couples Counseling: When Things Get Heated
When we get angry, we often get caught up in the cycle of anger and retaliation. To stop this, active steps need to be taken, which is why we recommend taking a slow count to 10 before you make an angry retort. If both of you are practicing this, chances are that you will have fewer negative things to say to one another, and the fight will calm down quickly. In addition to this, if you are going to discuss something contentious, we recommend using an unconventional place. Switch locations by moving to a different room or outdoors. This forced movement, which you need to discuss during
couples counseling, will give you a breather and a chance to look at things differently. It is amazing how situations that cause a great deal of stress in the kitchen suddenly seem a whole lot less critical when you are sipping a warm beverage with your significant other in the living room.
