Today I want to talk about what sets us up for failure. When I say failure, I’m talking about those situations that we kind of regret, situations that we botch, and that we later feel like we could have done a better job at that. Maybe it’s an argument that you had with your partner, maybe you lost your temper with your kid and it really felt crappy later on, or maybe it’s a situation with someone else where you said or did something that you regretted. In those situations, what is it that set you up for failure? I mean, think about it. There are so many stressful interactions and scenarios that get thrown at us and a lot of those we handle well. So, what is it about that time that you botched things that was different than all of the times that you feel like you handled them with integrity?

Questions to ask yourself

If it’s a situation with your children, were you short on time, were you short on sleep, was there something going on that set you up for failure? If it was an issue that came up in a relationship, was your overall connection level with your partner low to begin with? Or were you feeling deprived of time with them and was that feeding into the situation? Or did you flood physiologically? Our clients learn quite a bit about that and how it can set them up for failure. Or maybe it’s a scenario with someone else. Did you have too much to drink? Did you have a lot of pent up frustrations that you were not airing with that person until they finally exploded?

Be on the lookout

All food for thought. If you can identify what it is that sets you up for failure in those moments that you didn’t handle things so well, then you can try to choreograph your life to avoid those dynamics, to the extent that you can. For example, every parent knows that if you get up 15 minutes earlier in the morning, you may lose out on 15 minutes of sleep, but you may find that you parent with more integrity as you try to get your little ones out the door. Be on the lookout for what it is that sets you up, so you can try to eliminate it.

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